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拜托老师，英语月考作文

发布时间：2016-09-10 08:58:03 作者：张逸羽  发布者：zhangyy 浏览次数：3583  类别：英文作文   优秀指数：★★

月考作文

    红星中学将举办一次英语演讲比赛（speech contest)，你是学生会主席李华，请根据以下比赛通知给附近某大学的外籍教师Lucy女士写一封信，邀请她来做评委。

英语演讲比赛

主题：英语口语的重要性

时间：9月1日上午9:00-12:00

地点：302教室

参赛选手：12名学生

联系人：李华（电话2208567）

欢迎大家光临

注意：词数100左右。

内容要点：1、自我介绍；2、邀请做评委；3、演讲比赛具体安排。

Dear Lucy,

    I'm a student in the Hongxin high school. I really want to get a chance, that inviting you to attend the speech contest.

    The theme of the speech contest is the importance of speeking English. I think you are suitable. If you are willing to do this, you will get to the 302 class in september 1th in the mirning. There are 12 students want to get your advices.

    I'm looking forward to your reply. My tel:2208567. That's all, thank you.

                                                                                  Sincerely yours,

                                                                                               Li Hua

• 批改教师：王思捷 ( 作文批改网 )
  批改时间：2016/9/10 22:18:33
  点评指数：
  点评内容：
  

  月考作文

  红星中学将举办一次英语演讲比赛（speech contest)，你是学生会主席李华，请根据以下比赛通知给附近某大学的外籍教师Lucy女士写一封信，邀请她来做评委。

  
  

  英语演讲比赛

  主题：英语口语的重要性

  时间：9月1日上午9:00-12:00

  地点：302教室

  参赛选手：12名学生

  联系人：李华（电话2208567）

  欢迎大家光临

  
  

  注意：词数100左右。

  内容要点：1、自我介绍；2、邀请做评委；3、演讲比赛具体安排。

  
  

  Dear Lucy,

  I'm a student in the Hongxin high school. I really want to get a chance, that inviting (to invite) you to attend the speech contest.[英语讲究长句不讲求短句，讲求一句话中包含尽可能多的信息及成分；哪怕词汇很简单。可以这样改写I am Li Hua, a student from the Hongxin High School. It is my pleasure to invite you to present（present可以用participate/engage in这样更****的词汇替代）the speech contest as a jury.as表示“作为”表明职业身份。]

  The theme of the speech contest is the importance of speeking (oral，口语的) English. I think you are suitable. （过于笼统，反映出作者对通知这一文体理解得不够深入，应说明邀请评委的原因。The contest needs a native English speaker to give objective advice.比之前的那句内容丰富了很多。但同样这两句话信息可以合并，变成The contest based on the theme of the importance of oral English needs...，没有生词，但句子更复杂，包含的信息一样不少。这样****段后面的话就可以去掉了。）If you are willing to do this (are willing to do同样笼统了，改为sure that you have time and energy to take part in it), you will get to the 302 class in september 1th in the mirning（can give my a phone call to tell me the detials）. There are 12 students want to get your advices.

  I'm looking forward to your reply. My tel:2208567. That's all, thank you.

  Sincerely yours,

  Li Hua

  调整句子顺序，经过改写以后的文章是这样的

  Dear Lucy,

  I am Li Hua, a student from the Hongxin High School. It is my pleasure to invite you to present a speech contest as a jury, for the contest based on the theme of the importance of oral English needs a native English speaker like you to give objective advice. If you are sure that you have time and energy to take part in it, please give me a phone call to tell the detials. The contest will be held in Room 302 where 12 students will be waiting for your advice. I am looking forward to your reply. My telephone number is 2208567. That's all, thank you.

  Sincerely yours,

  Li Hua

  
  

• 批改教师：汤超然 ( 云南省 >> 昆明市 >> 西山区 )
  批改时间：2019/7/29 15:43:03
  点评指数：★★
  点评内容：
  

  月考作文

  红星中学将举办一次英语演讲比赛（speech contest)，你是学生会主席李华，请根据以下比赛通知给附近某大学的外籍教师Lucy女士写一封信，邀请她来做评委。

  
  

  英语演讲比赛

  主题：英语口语的重要性

  时间：9月1日上午9:00-12:00

  地点：302教室

  参赛选手：12名学生

  联系人：李华（电话2208567）

  欢迎大家光临

  
  

  注意：词数100左右。

  内容要点：1、自我介绍；2、邀请做评委；3、演讲比赛具体安排。

  
  

  Dear Lucy,

  I'm a student in the Hongxin high school. I really want to get a chance, that inviting you to attend the speech contest.

  The theme of the speech contest is the importance of speeking English. I think you are suitable. If you are willing to do this, you will get to the 302 class in september 1th in the mirning. There are 12 students want to get your advices.

  I'm looking forward to your reply. My tel:2208567. That's all, thank you.

  Sincerely yours,

  Li Hua

  点评：涵盖题目要点，但语气略显生硬，不符合邀请信文体特征，且存在较多语法错误，可确定为三类中作文，最终得分：13.5分（满分25分）